Broken Vessels

Ten weeks ago, on August 11, our world entered a tail spin as we tragically lost my 21 year-old nephew, Cameron Weaver, in a motorcycle accident. I found out the news and one hour later, my sister Karen and I were on the road, driving 3 1/2 hours down to Lurray, Virginia where the accident happened. During that weekend and the funeral week, I stood in as my sister's support as we wept over Cameron's body at the funeral home, cried out to God at the accident site, and made preparations to celebrate Cameron's life and plan his funeral. I’ve never felt such intense pain.

Cameron and I were super close, and he was more like a little brother to me. I was only 10 years old when he was born and we really grew up together. He was one of my favorite people in the whole world and my heart hurts every day missing him.

Cameron was the best big cousin to our girls, playing with them, watching them show him all their tricks, spending time playing games, entering into their world and being present with them. We miss his laugh and his hugs. I miss cooking for him and playing games with him and hearing about his week. There are so many things he should be at and he isn't there.

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Two weeks after we buried Cameron, we had to bury my Grandma. My Grandma, Della Bollinger, entered into eternal rest on Sunday, August 27.

As we celebrated almost 93 years of grandma’s life at her funeral, common themes were her love for the lord, her hospitality, her servant heart, her tight hugs, and her spunky personality!

Grandpa and Grandma’s gravestone is engraved with “Not here, gone home”

She truly lived life with eyes in light of eternity. May that be my legacy as well.

I am so thankful to have a grandma like you

The dichotomy between the joy of heaven and the hole they left behind is strange and I’m wrestling daily with it. Knowing the truth of the joy they are living in, but feeling the immense pain that they are no longer here.

Grandma lived a full life of 92 years full of children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She was ready to go and longed for heaven. I rejoice with her for her new body and her true home reached, home in the arms of Jesus.

Cameron was taken at 21 years with so much life yet to live. The grief of all the memories that will be missed is too large to comprehend. The physical pain is hard to explain.

Both of these amazing humans loved practically and served generously. They both lived out the Gospel through action and left an incredible legacy.

:::The picture on the right is of Cameron and Grandma the week of Cameron’s accident- the last time Cameron & Grandma met on earth. Now Grandma is giving Cameron the tightest hugs in heaven:::

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I have heard grief being described as a backpack that goes on and never comes off. As time goes on, you learn to function and keep living life, and some days you forget you are wearing the backpack, but other days it is so heavy.

Grief is also compared to the waves of the ocean. The waves crash down and then recede and then crash down again. The first six weeks it was hard to function and do daily tasks like laundry and dishes and brushing my teeth. It felt like every time I tried to stand up in the ocean, another wave would hit and I would get washed.

During this time, my mentors and administration at HLC suggested I take a bereavement period from HLC to rest and grieve and seek counseling. Another YWAM mom stepped into teach my class for the month of September and it was a healing time for me.

I’ve been working on a sacred grief project to remember, reflect, and heal. Collecting pictures of Cameron and I, collecting memories from 21 years together.

It’s a beautiful, messy project full of laughter and tears. 1,600 pictures later and I’m still not finished, but I have compiled my favorites from Cameron's first 12 years of life and I share them here as a tribute to his life and love.

One thing I’ve taken away from this grief project is that Big love really does happen in the small moments. Cameron taught me how to love, he forged the way for me to be present and to love my kids well. I love you forever Cameron Layne Weaver.

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During one of my counseling sessions, my counselor asked me what I thought Cameron would say to me if he was sitting on the chair across from me.

I know he would encourage me to live life and not to give up. He would tell me that life is worth living and to live every day to the fullest. That this time I have on earth is but a moment in the timeframe of eternity and not to waste a single second.

One night a few weeks after Cameron died, I had a dream where was Cameron cheering me on. I woke up with this verse loudly echoing in my mind.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

I saw Cameron as one in the cloud of witnesses that have gone before me, cheering me on.

So I will continue to get up and do the next right thing, I will love people like Jesus loved them, sitting with them and listening with compassion, teaching and pouring into the little ones he has brought to me in this season.

God has also highlighted the art of "Kintsugi", he is taking my broken pieces and melding them with gold. We are broken, and he will make beautiful things out of the broken pieces.

"Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Every break is unique and instead of repairing an item like new, the technique actually highlights the "scars" as a part of the design. Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we actually create something more unique, beautiful and resilient."

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HUB LEARNING CENTER

Tuesday, October 3, I stepped back into my classroom, nervous, but feeling like it was time. Time to walk out what God has called me to do, time to love and serve and teach, time to pour into my students with His love.

Each day since, I live desperate for God's peace, joy, and patience to flow through me to these precious students. I am a broken vessel, but God is gluing me back together with gold.

I will stand on the good news, the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I will move forward with my grief backpack on, holding Jesus' hand, celebrating the joys, and leaning hard on him for the lows.

Living each moment intentionally, listening to my body when I need to rest, and teaching these precious little ones who God is and what his love looks like.

Thank you to each and everyone of you for the prayers, cards, flowers, meals, words of encouragement, messages, and hugs in this difficult season. I could literally feel the prayers carrying us through the week after the accident, and I have never felt so loved by all the practical ways we have been supported.

PRAYERS & PRAISES

• Praise God for another year of HLC and for teachers and aids to serve at HLC

• Praise God for a summer full of good memories and growing together as a family

• Please pray for peace and comfort as we continue to grieve and prayers for Cameron's immediate family as they grieve.

• Please pray for spiritual covering over our family and our marriage and health

• Please pray for our HLC Director Amanda Vargas as she is getting Chemo treatment for cancer.

We so appreciate each of you for your friendship, love, encouragement, prayers, and partnership as we serve God in Lancaster and see the Kingdom of Heaven come on earth as it is in Heaven!

-The Shenks